The Three-Foot Podium: Boundless Karma
Credit: This text is from a Xiaohongshu video from Pang Ho titled: "The three-foot podium has boundless karma, teachers should be engineers who save children's souls" | 三尺讲台 业力无边，老师应该是拯救孩子灵魂的工程师 https://www.xiaohongshu.com/discovery/item/6863cea900000000170372a2?xsec_token=ABiIgWd88QCIF5FvFVDwL9qmD8HnUBrIyK6ll5IuBC5d4%3D
Everyone who treats this world with cruelty must have once been treated cruelly by the world. There was a boy whose parents were businesspeople. On his father's birthday, he said, "Son, today is my birthday, come back and have a meal with Dad." Do you know how the son replied? His father showed me the chat history: "You're celebrating your birthday? Why don't you just die? A meal? Eat shit!" These were his exact words. Children are born loving their parents. But how does that love turn into hate?
At sixteen, he was sent to one of those so-called "internet addiction treatment" schools. He attempted suicide six times. He said he didn't want to go to that school, but his parents called the instructors, who drove to their home, forcibly dragged him away and practically kidnapping him, pulling and even carrying him before throwing him into a van and driving off. For six months, his parents weren't allowed any contact with him. It was military-style management. I have to ask: if this child had died in that school, would anyone have even known? After ten months there, he came out and told his parents directly: "The hatred I feel for you, I can never forgive in this lifetime." He dropped out of school, refused to attend classes, hadn't called his father "Dad" or his mother "Mom" for years, hadn't eaten at the same table with his parents for years. He just holed up in his room every day. So you can imagine how much effort it took for me to help them even begin to heal.
His parents were anxious and came to ask me what they should do. I told them it was simple: if they could follow four words, I could help them. His parents asked, "What four words?" "Obey. Without. Questioning. Why. Do what I tell you to do. Can you do that?" "Well, we can try, I suppose." He asked how he should reply to his son's message. I told him to reply directly: "It's okay, you can hate Dad, it doesn't matter." He said, "But he's so disrespectful to me! He told me to eat shit!" "You can't handle being cursed at twice? How did you treat your son? Why should he have to endure it? Can you do it?" "Yes, I can."
"Good. First thing is simple. What game does your son play?" "PlayerUnknown's Battlegrounds (PUBG)." "OK, buy your son a pack of anti-sweat finger sleeves. You know how it is with PUBG, when your hands sweat during gaming, it can cause touch screen issues. Buy a pack of finger sleeves, not expensive, maybe a few dozen yuan for good ones. After you finish eating, leave them on the dining table. Don't say anything. That's it." "What? Teacher, he plays games all day, and you want me to buy gaming equipment for him? Isn't this indulgence?" I said, "Didn't I say not to ask why? I said buy them, take a photo, and show me. Just follow instructions, otherwise I can't help you." Fortunately, they were truly desperate, so they actually bought a pack of finger sleeves and left them on the table, sending me a photo. "Good, OK. What next?" "Nothing, wait." "Wait for what?" "Wait a few days."
A few days later, he asked, "What should we do now?" I said it was simple: buy him a phone stand, and yes, buy him a gaming headset. He said, "Teacher, if you do this, the child will be even less willing to study." I said, "Let me say it again, don't ask why. If your brain could figure this out, your son wouldn't be in this state today." "Ah, alright, alright." He bought the gaming headset. "What next?" "Wait." Then after some time, he suddenly noticed his son's tone wasn't as intense anymore; it began to soften. "Right. Tell him to go buy your son a gaming phone."
"Teacher, are you a spy sent by my son?" This time, add one more thing: write a note. This sentence is very important. Tell him: 'Mom and Dad actually love you very much and know you like playing games. Mom and Dad know that you can feel happiness when playing games. Actually, in the past, Mom and Dad didn't realize this, but after talking with a professional teacher, we've come to understand that your happiness is what's most important to us as parents. So if you're happy, stay with your interests and hobbies, it's okay. This phone is a gift from Mom and Dad. If you need it, take it.' A gaming phone. Leave it there.
After just these three things were done, his son came out on his own and asked, "Which teacher did you meet with?" He traveled by train alone to my office to meet me. Then he talked with me at length. What had he experienced in that school? The so-called instructors there would make them line up for assembly, and of course, they had to comply. But do you know what they did? The instructors would spread broken glass in sandpits and make them run through barefoot. The slightest mistake resulted in beatings, harsh punishment, or being locked in public restrooms without being let out…like being in prison. The worst thing was that a girl he had become close to in that school later ran away. Why did she run away? An instructor had molested her, and she wasn't allowed to tell her parents. So she was locked in a room every day, and she attempted suicide six times.
Education is not control. It's not using high-pressure tactics to make someone obey and submit. He was in great pain. He said it wasn't that he didn't want to study; he was extremely insecure, spoke with a stutter, and was mocked by his classmates. He was withdrawn and had a slight tic disorder. With no friends, he hid himself away, feeling that the whole world was isolating him. If you don't enter their world, you can never truly understand them.
Do you know how I helped this rascal later? I played games with him for six months. I said it was okay, we're all like this in our adolescence. Let's talk about your gaming today. We didn't talk a single word about psychology. I also play PUBG, but I'm not good at it. Could you teach me? What level are you now? Do you know what level he was? "God of War." If you've played PUBG, you know what "God of War" level is, right? Basically, it's the top few hundred players among hundreds of millions. Later, I told his father, "Do you know your son ranks in the top few hundred in this game, with hundreds of millions of players? And you're still telling me you envy the top student in his class? That class only has a few dozen students. Tell me, how exactly is your son worse than that top student?" His father said, "What? He's that good?" I said, "What did you think? Did you think gaming is easier than studying? I play games, I know. It's not something you can get good at just by spending more time on it."
Every night I played with him, whenever I was free: "Are you there? Start a game, come on, hurry up!" Later I found out it became him playing with me. We often played until eleven or eleven-thirty, when he'd say, "Teacher, I'm a bit tired, I don't want to play anymore, I want to get off." I'd say, "Alright, alright, no problem, continue tomorrow." Later I told his father, "Do you think your son plays games all the time? I'm telling you, when he plays with me, he stops at eleven or eleven-thirty. But this kid isn't very emotionally intelligent." Once, because I kept getting eliminated right after landing (which you can't really compare to his level), I said, "I'm not good at this." Do you know how he comforted me? He called me Brother Hao. He said, "Brother Hao, it's okay. When people get older, their reactions slow down a bit." I said, "You little rascal, that's not exactly comforting me!"
But gradually, our relationship improved. He called me Brother Hao, and our relationship got better and better and better. Then his father gradually saw some changes in him. Because during this process, his father kept doing exactly what I told him to do. Because I had entered his world, I saw his game skins. I said, "This game skin of yours looks nice." He said, "Actually, I really like that one set, but I've never had the money for it." Well, there it was. I said, "Come on, Dad, quick, I need you now. Give him money!" For what? To buy game skins. I had him write a note directly: "Son, I know which game skin you like but have never had money to buy. Here's money for you to buy it, it's okay. In the game, dress cool for me too." That was it.
Something his father would never have dared to do before, but with my guidance, step by step, Dad "went bad" too. But when Dad went bad, you know, after about four or five months, he told me, "Brother Hao, I'm talking with my dad now. Last night, I talked with him for hours." He said, "I cried, and my dad cried too. He said this was something he had been longing for and looking forward to for many years." Truly, this feeling was wonderful.
You must remember that all children who seem to refuse to communicate with their parents are actually eager to communicate with them. How much he wishes he could talk with his parents about a girl he likes recently, how much he wishes he could talk with his parents about his good buddies, how much he wishes he could talk with his parents about problems he encountered while gaming or friends he made. He wants to open up about everything and let his parents enter his world. All children are like this. And how can children take the initiative to tell you these things? Of course, you need to open up, be accepting, and make your child feel safe enough. With you, there's no judgment, you won't constantly negate him. Yes.
Is puppy love scary? Let me tell you, puppy love isn't scary. Whether you're scared or not, they'll experience it anyway…unless your child is "safe-looking." What's scary is when they're in love and you don't know about it. How can you know then? By following them? Checking their phone? Investigating them? Like 007? Doing this will only push them further away from you. How can you know? By having your child tell you voluntarily: "Mom, a boy is pursuing me." "Mom, I like a girl." If they tell you voluntarily, is it still scary? You can guide them, you have the opportunity to tell them what love is, what sex is, what responsibility is, how to protect themselves. Isn't that right?
So this father and son took six months, plus a little help from me, to gradually let the child feel his father's openness and acceptance. Dad no longer criticized him or tried to stop him from playing games, but instead said, "It's okay, if you're happy, that's fine." The child walked out of his room and began to completely open his heart to his father about his thoughts. Another month later, he told me, "Oh, Brother Hao, I forgot to tell you something. I've decided to go back to school." Yes. Later, he recovered from his tic disorder. Do you know how he recovered? When he received his acceptance letter, he had a good cry. He said you had told me before that shouting loudly, venting loudly, and my tics and stutter would get better. He said he didn't believe it, but that day after crying, he found it really had improved a lot. Then he said, "Thank you so much," and also sent me a red envelope. I looked, and it was 6.66 yuan.
Wow, you don't know how relieved and happy I was when I received that message. Because I truly love these children. Why can I love them? Because I can empathize with them. Why can I empathize with them? Because I once made mistakes far more serious than theirs, many times more serious. So many people ask me, "Old Pang, why don't you teach courses for students, for teenagers?" They say it's very profitable. Parents may not be willing to spend money on their own learning, but for their children, they're very decisive, very generous. It would be much more profitable than what you're doing now. I say I absolutely won't, because once I start teaching these teenagers, I'll become an accomplice to those parents.
Because I've done this before. One summer vacation, I invited teachers to help us run a summer camp. My daughter participated throughout and told me about her entire experience. She felt it was very, very bad; they were constantly teaching them to be grateful, obedient, well-behaved, etc., trying to tame them into what their parents wanted. We often say, "Parents are sick, but children take the medicine." Is this what children want? I say, if you pay me to help your child achieve your child's goals and needs, that's fine, no problem. But how many parents would agree? Your child's goals are freedom, independence, having their own opinions, allowing them to develop their personality. Are you willing to accept that? You probably aren't. So my daughter said she really disliked that summer camp because it completely conflicted with and deviated from our family atmosphere and educational philosophy. So we did it once and never dared to do it again.
I will absolutely not be an accomplice to those parents or even those teachers. Every time I stand on a podium, I constantly remind myself whether I'm truly doing the right thing. How can I be sure I'm doing the right thing? What I always ask myself is whether I'm facing these children, these parents, with love and compassion. So my mother often told me, "The three-foot podium has boundless karma." Yes, I really like this saying. Why? Although my mother may not have been a good mother in the past, she was definitely a good teacher. Do you know how many layers there are in hell? Let me tell you, not eighteen, but nineteen. The nineteenth level of hell isn't for ordinary people. Ordinary people don't qualify for the nineteenth level of hell. It’s for the teachers; the teachers who mislead their students. "The three-foot podium has boundless karma." Because what it destroys is a person's soul.
Original Video Transcript
所有用残忍的手段对待这个世界的人，一定都曾经被这个世界残忍的对待过。有一个男生，他父母是做生意的，老爸过生日说：“儿子，今天爸爸过生日，你回来陪爸爸吃顿饭吧。”你知道儿子怎么回的吗？他老爸把聊天记录给我看的：“你还过生日？你怎么不去死？还吃饭？你吃屎！”原话。孩子生来是爱父母，那这份爱怎么变成恨的呢？
十六岁，被送到了那种所谓戒除网瘾的学校，六次想死，有六次想死掉。他说不想去那个学校，父母打电话叫教官直接开着车到家里面来，把他抓走，强行这种绑架式的，又拖又拽，甚至是抬，把他扔到面包车里，然后就开走了。半年之内，父母不允许跟他有任何的联系，军事化管理。那我想问一下，这个小孩死在学校里，也没人知道吧？待了十个月，出来直接跟父母说的：“我 对你的恨，这辈子都不可能原谅。”休学了，不去学校了，已经好几年没有叫过一声爸，没有叫过一声妈了，已经好几年没有跟父母在同一张桌上吃过饭了，那天天就窝在房间里。所以你知道我花了多大的力气才帮他们一点点走出来。
他父母就很焦虑，就跑过来问我，这个到底该怎么办。然后我说很简单，你们能做到四个字，我就可以帮你们。他父母说：“哪四个字？”听话照做，不准问为什么。我让你做什么，你就做什么，可以吗？“那那那试试看吧，可以。”他说这个信息怎么回？直接回：“可以的，你可以恨爸爸，没有关系的。”他说他这么不尊重我，他叫我吃屎！骂你两句你就受不了了？你怎么对你儿子的？凭什么他就应该受得了？可不可以？可以。
好，第一件事，我说很简单，你儿子玩什么游戏？玩吃鸡。OK，给你儿子买一包那个防汗的指套。那个吃鸡你懂得嘛，玩游戏他那个手上有汗就会断触之类的。买指套，买一包，也不贵，几十块钱，好一点的啊。你们吃完饭，放在餐桌上，什么都不用说，可以了。“啊？老师，他天天打游戏，我还给他买游戏的装备？他这不是纵容吗？”我说有没有说，不准问为什么？我说买了拍照给我看，你只管听话照做就行，要不然我就帮不了你们。好在确实也是没办法了，就真的去买了一包那个指套，放在桌上，拍照给我看。好，OK，接下来干嘛？不不干嘛，等。等什么？等几天呗。
过了几天我问，现在该干嘛？我说很简单，给他买个手机支架，对，给他买一副游戏耳机。他说：“老师，你这样弄，那到时候那小孩更是不去读书了。”我说我再说一遍，不要问为什么。如果你的脑子能想明白，你儿子今天就不是这个死样子。“啊，好好好。”又买那个打游戏的耳机。那接下来呢？等啊。然后一段时间之后，他突然发现儿子的语气没有那么激烈了，开始变得缓和一些了。对。就跟他说，去给你儿子买个游戏手机。
“老师你不是我儿子派来的卧底吧？”这一次要多加一个东西，写个纸条，这句话非常重要，告诉他：“爸爸妈妈其实很爱你，知道你喜欢打游戏。爸爸妈妈知道你在打游戏过程能够感受到快乐。其实，过去爸爸妈妈没有意识到，跟一位专业的老师聊过以后，我们意识到了，原来作为爸爸妈妈，你的快乐才是对我们最重要的。所以如果你快乐，你就跟自己的兴趣、爱好待在一起，没有关系的。这个手机是爸爸妈妈送给你的礼物，如果你需要的话，你就拿去。”游戏手机。好，放在那。
就这三件事情做完以后，儿子主动出来说：“你们见的哪个老师？”自己一个人，坐着动车，跑到我的办公室来见我。然后跟我聊了很多。他在那个学校里面遭遇了什么？那个里面的所谓的教官，让他们出来集合，他们就必须出来集合，这个当然你都知道的。但是你知道，教官会在沙坑里面撒很多的碎玻璃渣，让他们光脚从那个沙坑跑过去。稍不注意，就是打骂、严厉的惩罚，关在公共厕所不让出来，就像坐牢一样。最糟糕的是，在那个学校里面跟他关系比较好的一个女生，后来跑掉了。为什么跑掉了？被教官猥亵，不允许告诉父母。所以每天就被关在房间里，有六次想死掉。
教育不是控制，不是去通过这种高压的手段让他服从和顺从。他很痛苦，他说他不是不想读书，他非常的自卑，说话结巴，然后跟同学，同学嘲笑他，寡言少语，而且他轻微的抽搐症，造四那个。没有朋友，他就把自己藏起来，觉得全世界都在孤立我。你不走进他的世界，你永远无法真正了解他的。
这个臭小子后来你知道吗，我是怎么帮助他的？我陪他打了半年的游戏啊。我说没关系啊，我们青春期都是这样的，我们今天先来聊一聊你打游戏的事吧。一句心理相关的话都没有聊过。我也玩吃鸡，玩不好，你能不能教教我？你现在是什么级别？你知道人家什么级别吗？战神。玩过吃鸡的都知道战神是什么级别吧？基本上就是排名前几百名的那种了。后来我跟他老爸说，我说你知道你儿子这个游戏人家排名前几百名，所有玩家有几亿人，你现在还跟我说羡慕班级第一名？那班级才几十个人，你说你儿子到底比那个第一名差在哪？然后他老爸说：“啊？这么厉害的吗？”我说你以为呢？你以为打游戏比读书容易吗？我玩游戏我知道的，那个不是愿意多花时间就能玩得好的。
每天晚上陪他打，只要一空了，“在不在啊？开一局，来，快点！”其实后来我发现变成他陪我打了。经常打到十一点、十一点半，说：“老师，我有点累了，我不想打了，我想下去了。”我说：“好嘛好嘛好嘛，没关系，明天继续哦。”后来我就跟他老爸说，你以为你儿子每天随时在打游戏吗？我告诉你，他跟我一起玩玩到十一点、十一点半就不玩了。但是小子情商不太高。有一次，因为我老是落地成盒嘛，跟他那个级别可能没法比。我说：“哎呀我打不好。”你要看他怎么安慰我的吗？他叫我浩哥。他说：“浩哥，没关系的，人上了年纪，反应会慢一些的。”我说你个臭小子，你这句话可不是在安慰我啊！
但是后来我们俩关系就慢慢，他叫我浩哥，我们俩关系越来越好、越来越好、越来越好。然后他老爸也逐渐地看到了他的一些变化。因为在这个过程，他老爸一直都在持续地按照我说的做。因为我进入他的世界之后，我看到了他的游戏皮肤嘛。我说你这套游戏皮肤挺好看的。他说其实我特别喜欢那一套，但是我一直都没钱。这不就完了吗？好，我说：“来，老爸，快，需要你的时候来了。给钱！”干嘛？买游戏皮肤。直接给他写个纸条：“儿子，我知道你喜欢哪一套哪一套什么什么游戏皮肤，但是一直都没有钱买，给你钱你去买，没关系的。在游戏里面你也给我穿帅一点。”就这。
老爸以前绝对不敢做的事，在我的诱套之下，一步一步，老爸也变坏了。但是当老爸变坏之后，你知道，过了有四五个月，他就跟我说，他说：“浩哥，我现在跟我爸爸聊天了。昨天晚上我跟我爸爸聊了好几个小时。”他说我也哭了，我爸也哭了。他说这是我好多年以来一直都特别渴望和期待的一件事情。真的，这种感受特别好。
你要记住，所有表面上拒绝跟父母沟通的孩子，都是渴望跟父母沟通的。他多么希望能够跟父母聊一聊最近喜欢的女孩子，他多么希望跟父母聊一聊最近他的好哥们，他多么希望跟父母聊一聊最近在打游戏的时候遇到了什么问题，或者交到了什么朋友。他希望自己能够敞开一切，让父母进入自己的世界。所有孩子都是如此。而孩子怎么才能主动告诉你嘛？当然是你要敞开，你要开放接纳，你要让孩子感觉到足够的安全。在你这里没有任何的评判，你不会动不动就否定他。是的。
早恋可怕吗？我告诉你，早恋不可怕，怕不怕，他都会早恋的，除非你的孩子长得安全一点。可怕的是他早恋了你却不知道。那怎么才能知道呢？难道跟踪他？看他的手机？调查他？像007一样？你这样做只会让他离你越来越远。怎么才能知道？让孩子主动告诉你：“妈妈，有个男生在追我。”“妈妈，我喜欢一个女生。”如果他们主动告诉你还可怕吗？你就可以引导他，你就有机会告诉他什么是爱情，什么是性，什么是责任，怎么保护自己。是不是这样？
所以这个爸爸跟这个儿子用了半年的时间，加上我帮了点小忙，就逐渐地让孩子感受到了爸爸对他的那份开方、接纳。爸爸不再批判他、不再阻止他玩游戏，而是“没有关系的，如果你快乐，可以的”。这孩子就走出了房门，开始把自己的心里面所想，彻底地向爸爸敞开心扉。又过了一个月，跟我说：“哦浩哥，忘了告诉你一件事了，我决定要回学校去读书了。”对。后来他好了，造四那个，你知道怎么好的吗？他收到录取通知书，大哭一场。他说你之前跟我说的，大声的喊叫，大声的发泄，我这个抽搐和这个结巴就会好。他说我不信的，结果那天我哭完之后，我发现真的好了很多。然后说，真的好谢谢你，还同时给我发了个红包，我一看六块六毛六。
哇，你不知道我收到那个信息的时候，我有多欣慰，我有多开心。因为我是真的很喜欢这些孩子们。为什么我能喜欢他们？因为我能共情他们。为什么我能共情他们？因为我曾经犯过比他们更严重、更严重、严重多少倍的那种错误。所以很多人都说老潘你为什么不做学生、不做青少年的课程？他说这个很好赚钱的。父母为自己的学习花钱不一定愿意的，但是为自己的小孩花钱，那非常的果断，非常的舍得，比你现在做的这个事情好赚多了。我说我坚决不，因为一旦我去给这些青少年上课，我就会成为那些家长父母的帮凶。
因为我曾经干过这个事情。有一年暑假我就请了老师来帮我们做了一个夏令营，我的女儿全程参与，参与下来就告诉我她的整个的这种体验，她就觉得非常非常的不好，就是不停地在教育他们感恩啊，听话呀，懂事啊等等等等，就是想把他们驯化成父母想要的样子。我们经常说的一句话叫“父母有病，孩子吃药”。那这是小孩子的意愿吗？我说可以，如果你付钱给我，是让我帮助你的孩子实现你孩子的目标和需求，可以，没问题。那有几个家长愿意呢？你的小孩子的目标是自由、独立、有主见，允许他们发想个性，你愿意吗？你大概是不愿意的。所以我女儿说，那个夏令营她非常的反感，她非常的不喜欢，因为这个跟我们家里面的这种家庭氛围和这种我们的教育理念是完全冲突和背离的。所以我们做了一次，就再也不敢做了。
我绝对不会去做那些父母、甚至那些老师的帮凶。我每次站上讲台，我随时都在提醒自己，我是不是真正的在做一件正确的事情。怎么才能确定自己是不是真正的在做的正确的事情？我一直问自己的就是，当我面对这些孩子的时候，当我面对这些家长父母的时候，是不是带着爱与慈悲去面对他们的。所以我妈妈经常跟我说一句话，“三尺讲台，业力无边”。是的，我很喜欢这句话，为什么？我妈妈过去虽然不一定是一个好妈妈，但是她一定是一个好老师。你知道这个世界上地狱有多少层？我来告诉你，不是十八层，十九层。第十九层地狱不是给一般人住的，一般人没有资格住第十九层地-狱。老师，误人子弟的老师。“三尺讲台，业力无边”。因为它毁灭的、会灭的是一个人的灵魂。
Crepi il lupo! 🐺