📚 Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life

📚 Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life

BOOK INFORMATION

Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life
Luke Burgis
2021
304 pages
Psychology/Sociology/Self-Help

KEY TAKEAWAYS

HOOK

What if everything you thought you wanted wasn't truly yours at all, but was secretly shaped by the desires of others around you, and understanding this hidden force could transform your entire relationship with wanting?

ONE-SENTENCE TAKEAWAY

Wanting reveals that our desires are not autonomous but largely mimetic, shaped by imitating others, and understanding this hidden force is essential for breaking free from unfulfilling pursuits and living more authentic lives.

SUMMARY

"Wanting: The Power of Mimetic Desire in Everyday Life" by Luke Burgis presents a groundbreaking exploration of human desire based on the mimetic theory of French polymath René Girard. The book begins with Burgis's personal story of entrepreneurial failure in 2008, when his company Fit Fuel collapsed and a potential deal with Tony Hsieh fell through. This crisis led Burgis to discover Girard's theory of mimetic desire, which he used to reinterpret his failure, realizing he had been trying to imitate his idols rather than pursue what he genuinely wanted.

The central thesis of the book is that human desires are not autonomous or individually generated but are largely mimetic, meaning we learn to want what we want by imitating the desires of others. Burgis explains that this happens because humans are fundamentally relational beings who acquire their desires through models; people they observe and admire. When we see someone else wanting something, we often begin wanting it too, sometimes consciously but often unconsciously.

Burgis distinguishes between "thick desires" and "thin desires." Thick desires are those that originate deep within us, formed through our authentic values and experiences, while thin desires are mimetic, contagious, and often shallow. Many of our struggles stem from pursuing thin desires that don't align with our true selves, leading to frustration, conflict, and unfulfillment.

The book explores how mimetic desire operates in various domains of life. In business and entrepreneurship, Burgis shows how mimetic desire leads people to chase trends and imitate successful entrepreneurs rather than pursuing genuine innovation. In politics, he explains how polarization often stems from mimetic rivalry, where opposing parties become obsessed with each other and imitate each other's strategies. In personal relationships, mimetic desire can lead to envy, rivalry, and conflict when people want the same things.

Burgis also addresses how modern technology and social media amplify mimetic desire. He describes social media as a "dream machine in our pockets," constantly showing us what others want and shaping our desires in ways we often don't recognize. This creates a world where people are increasingly caught up in pursuing mimicked desires rather than fulfilling intrinsic ones.

The book doesn't just diagnose the problem but offers practical strategies for working with mimetic desire rather than against it. Burgis emphasizes that we cannot eliminate mimetic desire, nor should we want to, but we can learn to work with it more consciously. He provides tactics for becoming more aware of mimetic influences, discerning between thick and thin desires, choosing better models, and becoming more intentional about how we affect the desires of others.

Throughout the book, Burgis draws on his experience as an entrepreneur, teacher, and student of classical philosophy and theology. He shares personal anecdotes, historical examples, and practical exercises to help readers understand and apply the concepts. The writing is accessible and engaging, making complex philosophical ideas relevant to everyday life.

The book concludes with a hopeful vision of how understanding mimetic desire can lead to more authentic living. By becoming aware of how our desires are shaped, we can make more conscious choices about what to pursue, find greater fulfillment, and contribute to creating social environments that foster healthy rather than destructive forms of desire.

INSIGHTS

• Desires are relational, not individual: The book's central insight is that human desires are not autonomous but are formed through our relationships with others. We learn to want what we want by observing and imitating the desires of models around us.
• Most unhappiness stems from pursuing mimetic desires: Burgis argues that much of our unhappiness comes from pursuing thin, mimetic desires that don't align with our authentic selves, leading to frustration and unfulfillment.
• Mimetic desire explains conflict and rivalry: The book reveals that many conflicts arise not from differences but from sameness. When people want the same things due to mimetic desire, they become rivals competing for limited resources or recognition.
• Social media amplifies mimetic desire: Modern technology, particularly social media, acts as a powerful amplifier of mimetic desire, constantly showing us what others want and shaping our desires in ways we often don't recognize.
• We can work with rather than against mimetic desire: Rather than trying to eliminate mimetic desire, which is impossible, we can learn to work with it more consciously, becoming aware of its influence and making more intentional choices.
• Thick vs. thin desires: The distinction between thick desires (authentic, intrinsic) and thin desires (mimetic, shallow) provides a framework for evaluating which pursuits are truly fulfilling and which are likely to lead to frustration.
• Models matter more than we realize: The people we admire and emulate have a profound influence on shaping our desires, often more than we recognize. Choosing good models is essential for healthy desire formation.
• Silence and reflection are antidotes to destructive mimesis: In a world of constant stimulation and social comparison, silence and reflection become essential practices for becoming aware of our authentic desires and breaking free from destructive mimetic patterns.

FRAMEWORKS & MODELS

The Mimetic Desire Framework

Burgis develops a comprehensive framework for understanding how mimetic desire operates:

• Components: Models (people we imitate), mediation (how desires are transmitted), rivalry (conflict from shared desires), scapegoating (resolving conflict through blame), transcendence (moving beyond destructive cycles)
• How it works: This framework explains how desires are transmitted through models who mediate what we want, how shared desires lead to rivalry, how conflicts are often resolved through scapegoating, and how we can transcend destructive cycles through awareness and conscious choice.
• Evidence: Burgis supports this framework with personal anecdotes, historical examples, psychological research, and philosophical arguments, showing how these elements play out in various contexts from business to personal relationships.
• Significance: This framework provides a comprehensive understanding of how desire operates in human life, explaining phenomena that other theories miss and offering practical insights for personal and social change.
• Example: Burgis uses his own entrepreneurial experience to illustrate this framework, showing how he imitated successful entrepreneurs as models, leading to rivalry when pursuing the same goals, and how understanding this pattern helped him transcend destructive cycles.

The Thick vs. Thin Desires Model

Burgis presents a model for evaluating the authenticity and fulfillment potential of different desires:

• Components: Thick desires (authentic, intrinsic, deep-rooted), thin desires (mimetic, shallow, surface-level), desire discernment, values alignment, fulfillment potential
• How it works: This model helps readers distinguish between desires that originate from their authentic values and experiences (thick desires) and those acquired through imitation of others (thin desires). It provides criteria for evaluating which desires are likely to lead to genuine fulfillment.
• Evidence: Burgis supports this model with psychological research on intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, philosophical arguments about authenticity, and practical examples from various life domains.
• Significance: This model provides a practical tool for making better choices about what to pursue in life, helping readers focus on desires that align with their true selves rather than social expectations.
• Example: Burgis contrasts the thin desire for a prestigious career chosen because others admire it with the thick desire for meaningful work that aligns with one's authentic values and passions.

The Desire Systems Model

Burgis develops a model for understanding how desires operate within larger social systems:

• Components: Desire systems (networks of shared desires), models and mediators, mimetic contagion, system boundaries, transcendence possibilities
• How it works: This model shows how desires operate within larger social systems, how they spread through networks of people, how certain desires become dominant within groups, and how individuals can transcend limiting desire systems.
• Evidence: Burgis illustrates this model with examples from business cultures, political movements, social media trends, and organizational behavior, showing how desire systems form and evolve.
• Significance: This model helps readers understand the social context of their desires and how they can both influence and be influenced by larger desire systems, providing insights for personal and social change.
• Example: Burgis analyzes how Silicon Valley startup culture forms a desire system that values certain types of success and innovation, and how individuals can either conform to or transcend these systemic expectations.

KEY THEMES

• The relational nature of desire: Throughout the book, Burgis develops the theme that human desires are fundamentally relational rather than individual. This theme is developed through his exploration of how we acquire desires through models and how our wanting is always connected to the wanting of others.
• The hidden influence of models: The book explores how the people we admire and emulate secretly shape our desires in ways we often don't recognize. This theme is developed through Burgis's analysis of how models operate in various contexts from family to business to social media.
• The conflict between mimetic and authentic desire: Burgis examines the tension between desires acquired through imitation and those that emerge from our authentic selves. This theme is developed through his distinction between thick and thin desires and the challenges of discerning between them.
• The amplification of mimesis in modern culture: The book explores how modern technology and social media have amplified the power of mimetic desire in contemporary life. This theme is developed through Burgis's analysis of social media as a "dream machine" and the challenges of maintaining authenticity in a hyper-connected world.
• The possibility of transcendence: Throughout the book, Burgis develops the theme that understanding mimetic desire offers the possibility of transcendence—moving beyond destructive cycles to more authentic and fulfilling ways of living. This theme is developed through his practical strategies for working with rather than against mimetic desire.
• The moral dimension of desire: The book explores how our desires have moral implications, affecting not just our own fulfillment but our relationships with others and the health of our communities. This theme is developed through Burgis's analysis of mimetic rivalry, scapegoating, and the responsibility of leaders in shaping desire.
• The journey toward self-awareness: Burgis consistently emphasizes that understanding mimetic desire is fundamentally a journey toward greater self-awareness and authenticity. This theme is developed through his practical exercises and reflections designed to help readers become more conscious of their desire formation processes.

COMPARISON TO OTHER WORKS

• vs. "Deceit, Desire, and the Novel" by René Girard: While Girard's work presents the original academic theory of mimetic desire, Burgis makes it accessible and applicable to everyday life, focusing on practical implications rather than literary analysis.
• vs. "Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion" by Robert Cialdini: Cialdini focuses on specific techniques of influence and persuasion, while Burgis explores the deeper, more fundamental process of how desires themselves are formed through imitation.
• vs. "The Paradox of Choice" by Barry Schwartz: Schwartz examines how having too many choices leads to anxiety and dissatisfaction, while Burges explores why we want the things we choose in the first place, addressing a more fundamental aspect of decision-making.
• vs. "Drive" by Daniel Pink: Pink focuses on intrinsic motivation and what drives people, while Burgis examines how those intrinsic motivations are often shaped and influenced by mimetic processes, adding a relational dimension to the discussion of motivation.
• vs. "The Art of Choosing" by Sheena Iyengar: Iyengar explores the psychology of choice and decision-making, while Burges examines the deeper question of why we want the options we choose from in the first place, addressing the formation of desire rather than just the act of choosing.

QUOTES

• "We often desire things not because of their inherent value, but because others desire them.": This quote encapsulates the core thesis of the book, revealing the mimetic nature of human desire and how it's shaped by others rather than intrinsic value.
• "It's deceivingly difficult to figure out why you bought certain things; it's extraordinarily hard to understand why you strive toward certain achievements. So hard that few people dare to ask.": This quote highlights the challenge of understanding our own desires and why so few people question the origins of their wants.
• "Much of our unhappiness in life stems from wanting things we don't actually want.": This powerful statement reveals the practical consequences of pursuing mimetic desires that don't align with our authentic selves.
• "Desires are discerned, not decided.": This quote emphasizes that we cannot simply choose our desires through willpower but must discover them through awareness and discernment, highlighting the importance of self-reflection.
• "What we commonly call 'social media' is more than media, it's mediation. Thousands of people showing us what to want and coloring our perception of those things.": This quote reveals how modern technology amplifies mimetic desire, constantly mediating what we want and how we perceive it.
• "The danger is not that we have a slot machine in our pockets. The danger is that we have a dream machine in our pockets.": This powerful metaphor illustrates how social media shapes our desires and aspirations in ways we often don't recognize.
• "Thick desires are like diamonds that have been formed deep beneath the surface, nearer to the core of the Earth. Thick desires are protected from the volatility of changing circumstances in our lives.": This quote explains the distinction between thick and thin desires, showing how authentic desires are more stable and fulfilling.

HABITS

• Practice desire discernment: Regularly reflect on your desires and question their origins. Ask yourself whether each desire comes from within or is mimetic, whether it aligns with your values, and whether it's likely to lead to genuine fulfillment.
• Identify your models: Become aware of the people who influence your desires. Notice who you admire, who you imitate, and who shapes your sense of what's desirable. This awareness helps you make more conscious choices about your models.
• Practice silence and reflection: Regularly spend time in silence away from external influences. This practice helps you become more aware of your authentic desires and less susceptible to mimetic influences.
• Distinguish between thick and thin desires: Develop the habit of evaluating your desires using the thick vs. thin framework. Ask whether each desire originates from your authentic self or is acquired through imitation.
• Practice gratitude: Regularly express gratitude for what you have rather than focusing on what others have. This habit helps reduce the power of mimetic desire and contentment with your authentic life.
• Become a non-anxious presence: Work on reducing your own anxiety and becoming a calming influence on others. This habit helps break cycles of mimetic anxiety and creates healthier desire environments.
• Choose your role models consciously: Rather than unconsciously imitating successful or popular people, consciously choose role models who embody values and qualities that align with your authentic self.
• Practice empathy without imitation: Learn to understand and connect with others without adopting their desires. This habit allows you to maintain authentic relationships while avoiding destructive mimetic patterns.
• Question cultural trends: Develop the habit of questioning cultural trends and fads rather than automatically adopting them. Ask whether these trends align with your values and authentic desires.
• Reflect on desire conflicts: When you experience internal conflict about what you want, use it as an opportunity for self-discovery rather than just frustration. These conflicts often reveal the tension between mimetic and authentic desires.

KEY ACTIONABLE INSIGHTS

• Conduct a desire inventory: List your major desires and goals, then analyze each one to determine whether it's thick (authentic) or thin (mimetic). For each desire, ask: Where did this desire come from? Does it align with my values? Would I still want this if nobody else wanted it?
• Identify your primary models: Make a list of people who significantly influence your desires. For each, consider: What do I admire about them? Do their values align with mine? Are they positive influences on my desire formation? This awareness helps you make more conscious choices about your models.
• Practice media discernment: Before consuming media content, ask yourself: How might this influence my desires? Does this content promote values I share? This practice helps you become more conscious of how media shapes your wanting.
• Create desire boundaries: Set boundaries around exposure to people and environments that promote unhealthy mimetic desires. This might include limiting social media use, being selective about social circles, or creating physical spaces for reflection.
• Practice desire journaling: Keep a journal specifically focused on exploring your desires. Write about what you want, where these desires came from, and how they make you feel. This practice builds awareness of your desire formation processes.
• Find silence daily: Schedule regular time for silence away from external influences. Use this time to connect with your authentic self and listen to your thick desires. Start with just 5-10 minutes daily and gradually increase.
• Practice gratitude for what you have: Each day, express gratitude for things you have rather than focusing on what others have. This practice helps reduce the power of mimetic desire and contentment with your authentic life.
• Become a conscious model: Recognize that you are a model for others' desires. Be intentional about what you model and how you influence those around you, especially if you're in a leadership position.
• Practice empathy without imitation: When interacting with others, practice understanding their perspective and feelings without adopting their desires. This allows you to maintain authentic relationships while avoiding destructive mimetic patterns.
• Create a personal desire statement: Write a statement that articulates your understanding of mimetic desire and your commitment to pursuing thick desires. Review this statement regularly to stay aligned with your authentic path.

REFERENCES

• René Girard's Mimetic Theory: The book is primarily based on the work of French polymath René Girard, who developed the theory of mimetic desire. Burgis draws on Girard's concepts of mimetic desire, models, rivalry, and scapegoating.
• Psychological Research on Motivation: Burgis incorporates psychological research on intrinsic vs. extrinsic motivation, particularly the work of researchers like Edward Deci and Richard Ryan on self-determination theory.
• Philosophical Traditions: The book draws on various philosophical traditions, particularly existentialism and phenomenology, to explore the nature of desire and authenticity.
• Business and Entrepreneurship Studies: Burgis incorporates insights from business studies and his own entrepreneurial experience to illustrate how mimetic desire operates in professional contexts.
• Media and Communication Theory: The book references theories about how media shapes perception and desire, particularly in the context of social media and digital communication.
• Neuroscience Research: Burgis incorporates neuroscience research on how the brain processes desire and social information, supporting the idea that desire is fundamentally relational.
• Social Psychology: The book draws on social psychology research on conformity, influence, and group behavior to explain how desires spread through social networks.
• Theological and Ethical Traditions: Burgis incorporates insights from theological and ethical traditions, particularly concepts of human nature and moral responsibility, to address the moral dimensions of desire.

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